Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
