You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
