We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
