I think im going to throw up on grandma
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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