my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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