My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
