why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
