Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
