take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
