Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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