well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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