thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
