I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
