Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
