Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
