At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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