I could have mohawked her pubes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
