If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
