I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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