why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
