why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Even my vagina gasped.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
