yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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