My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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