is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
