the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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