Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
