I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
