just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
