Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
