the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
