the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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