we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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