Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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