Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
