She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
