i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
