Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
