Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
