***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
