I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
