Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
