Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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