I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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