i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
