Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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