Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
