Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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