I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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