I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
