Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
